"Suffering"

"If you can help your neighbor now, don't say, "Come back tomorrow, and then I'll help you."  Proverbs 3:28

Today is June the 7th, 2011.  The last mail I had from Alice said that we would have a court date "early June".  I guess we have until the 14th or 15th to still be in early June.  I am struggling with waiting.  There, I have confessed that my faith is weak.  I confess that I am worrying about "when".  I am worrying about Joan and Derrick's safety and basic needs.  I am a mother.  Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?  The word of God never says it's okay to worry.  In fact, God's word over and over commands us to "cast our worries and our fears upon Him."  He reminds me over and over through His word that "when I am weak, he is strong."  I am sitting here telling you right now I am worrying.  Todd and I are debating if we should go ahead and go to Uganda.  We could be waiting for months for a court date.  My friends who heard my cry the other day on the other side of the world, called us together and prayed with me and cried out to our loving, mighty, God on my behalf.  I cannot describe the calmness that I had when we were praying.  Laurel and Coleman, Lauren and Joel and I prayed over skype.  It must have been late over there because I was surprised when I got the call in the middle of the afternoon here.  Here's where I am struggling...I know that the children at Rays of Hope are suffering.  I know that the girls are being raped.  I know witch craft and voodoo are common practices in Kabalagala.  I know that the children are so hungry that they will do things that they shouldn't do just to survive.  It is heart breaking and I don't want to believe how bad it is over there.  I want it to look like poverty but convenience myself that it's all the children really know so it's okay.  I have lived my life waiting for other people to save the homeless, the lost and the forgotten.  Now, the Lord has my attention.  He has carved a place in my heart so big for these people that ask for so little.  I am struggling.  One day Joan will ask why God chose them and not Fiona or another child.  Joan will ask.  I can look in her eyes and see that she will go back to Kabalagala and witness to her brothers and sisters how and why God choose her.  I am determined to never let Derrick and Joan forget where they came from because I don't need to forget either.  I will teach them to give back the gifts that God gives them because I need to remember to give away the gifts that God gives me.  I am worried they are suffering because their father and their grandmother don't understand why "Momma Amiee" hasn't come for them yet.  I am worried that the witch craft and voodoo will be more than just a cut on their face or hands.  Oh, Lord, help me to completely surrender to Your will.  I know that this season of waiting is growing my faith.  The waiting is helping me to focus on You and Your plan, not my will and my plan.   "I am the Lord's servant and I am willing to accept whatever he wants. "Luke 1:38.  Lord, help me to say that verse and mean it because if I am being honest, I don't want to wait.  I want to go now.  Lord, I know that You love the children of Rays of Hope.  Help me to be obedient to You.  Help me to serve You.   Help me to trust You.  Psalm 37:7 "Surrender yourself to the Lord and wait patiently for him."  Lord, help me to surrender to You so that I will wait patiently for You.

In Him,

Amiee