We are off to a very good new year. Joan is doing great in school. She is learning sign language so quickly. I'm more confident I will be able to learn ASL but I will be behind her. She can be at the "front of the line" with that. This month we will have been home six months. I went back this morning and looked at pictures from that time and there are so many with them asleep on someone's shoulder or in someone's lap. It didn't take long to wear them out and they could just close their eyes and be asleep. They are healthier and stronger now. They are great eaters. Joan has gained 6.8 pounds and Derrick has gained 4 pounds since we've been home. We don't nap anymore but we go to bed early. There are still many nights that one of them doesn't sleep through the night for various reasons. Derrick is beginning to tell me about nights in Kabalagala. He doesn't give to many details. I mainly listen. Then, in an instant he will say, "lets quit talking about it"...so, we do and I hold him close. There's so much I will never know about their past but one things for sure, I will never stop teaching them to praise HIM, especially when they are suffering. I have to remember every day that I struggle that I really don't have "bad days". I've seen bad days up close and personal...oh the selfishness I struggle with, thinking it's all about me. I have to remind myself often that it's not about me...I'm writing this blog today for two reasons. We are going to be deciding over the next few months what to do about Joan's hearing. The hearing aids are not doing any good in my opinion. If you "cue" her to listen, she does but she doesn't differinciate sounds. For example, she can't tell the difference in my voice and a bell ringing...yet. So, she can't differ between words. We are fairly certain that if she had the cochlear implant she could hear but no one can guarantee us that she would ever be able to make sense of what she is hearing. We aren't certain of her age. We don't think she is 8. If she was 5 or 6 years old, she would be on the end of the time that her brain would be able to comprehend spoken language but her odds would be much higher and I wouldn't feel like we were taking as much of a risk putting her through a major surgery and changing her life forever with a cochlear implant. She's right on the line with her age, maybe past the line. She has worn the hearing aids even though she didn't want to. She hasn't lost them, thrown them or destroyed them. That is a very good sign. We go to speech at least once a week. They work with Joan for 20 minutes and then instruct me for 40 minutes. I have to admit, it's very difficult for me to sit there for an hour talking about teaching her to "hear" when she is severely/profoundly deaf. She is so smart that they have to cover their face when they are instructing her because she is either reading lips or watching facial expressions or feeling their breath on her neck if they are standing behind her to win at the "games" they play with her. Then, they want me to reinforce what she can't hear. I'm asking for prayers for God to show us what is the right thing to do for Joan. When we decided to adopt her, we had really hoped that she could come here and get medical treatment that would "heal" her. That was my pride wanting to "fix" her. She's not "broken". That was plan B, my plan. Please pray that God will show us HIS plan and that Todd and I will be obedient to HIM. God humbled me at church last Sunday. It was New Years Day and even though we were tired, we made it to church. The interpreters that are usually there were not there. Joan kept looking at me and asking me where they were. I signed to her the best that I could because fortunately, she knows when we are at church, she is going to be involved because of the deaf children and deaf adults. It's beautiful to watch! She lights up like a Christmas tree when she sees her friends that she can sign with. I know from being in Africa for 1 month how hard it is to be in a world where you don't understand what others are saying. I felt very isolated at times. Sometimes I just tuned it all out because it frustrated me. I'm sure that isn't 1/10th of how Joan feels at times, especially now that she has a language for the first time that others share with her. Anyway, I started just trying to keep the rhythm of the music with her...anything to engage her. I started signing things that they weren't even saying so I could talk to her and she could feel a part of worship. I was really sad inside because I couldn't sign as well as I wanted to...(again, I was to focused on myself). Then, a lady sitting behind me that I had never seen before came up to me and asked if I needed an interpreter. I said YES! She then interpreted for Joan and I. The next song we sang/signed was "Amazing Grace". I cried through the entire song. God confirmed to me again that HE will equip us. HE will give us what we need if I will be obedient and follow HIM. Joan is teaching us about the deaf world. She is showing me that even though I have ears that "listen", I don't always hear. I'm still not sure what God is going to show us about this situation but I humbly ask for your prayers for our family in making this decision. I will PRAISE HIM FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW, no matter what we decide to do with the surgery. I know HE is going to use her in a mighty way whether she hears me or not because I know she hears HIM.
My second prayer request is also very exciting. January 19th, Todd and some friends are going back to Uganda. I can't go into much detail about this because I don't really know much. Every night when I tuck my little brown babies in their beds in their safe home, I pray for the children that we left behind. I pray for the ones that asked me if I could take them home with me. I pray for the one's that didn't ask but thought, "why is she taking Joan and Derrick but not me". I know the answer is not to have all of these orphans adopted. I have a special place in my heart for Uganda...specifically Rays of Hope. There is not one child that I wouldn't bring home with me if the Lord lead me to. Even though the children live on the streets, with maybe an Aunt, Uncle or grandmother, they have each other and they are a community. It's conflicting for me to think about what is right outside the gates of Rays of Hope...I can't really described what I have seen, how it smelled, the violence, or the abuse that these children endure...suffering beyond anything I could ever imagine. What I can describe is how they worship when they are at Rays of Hope, how they serve, how they thank God for everything they have (which isn't much). They are thankful. They are sick. They are hopeful. They have diseases. Watching them worship is an amazing HOLY experience that I am so blessed to have had. God is not through moving mountains in Uganda. HE's in Uganda. He's drawing other's to Uganda. I'm longing to go back. Here are my prayer requests for Uganda...Pray that everyone makes it there and back safely and that no one gets ill. Pray that God leads this team of servants to land that could be used to build a safe place for the children of Rays of Hope. Pray that God will provide the means to achieve this for the children and that each one of them know they are loved beyond comprehension by a God that moves mountains. I pray that as their worshiping increases my faith, my actions increase their faith and that they each feel the love of Jesus Christ and that HE would put a hedge of protection around the school and community. I pray that Godly teachers and instructors are lead to the school and that all of the evil that is at their doorstep be lead to know the Lord or flee from this area. I thank God everyday for my husband who has a servant's heart and that he's willing and eager to go back to see these children that have changed our view of the world forever. I pray for Todd while he is away that he will feel the presence of the Lord in his life and that he always knows how much I love him...I love that he is taking this risk and going to see what the future could hold for our extended family in Uganda. When I think about seeing the Joel again...I want to cry. I love him like a son...He told me I could adopt him too.:) He will get the first hug when I go back. Joan and Derrick will not "steal his show". I'm praying that we can all go back soon. What would God show me next time? I wouldn't have to be focused on legal stuff...embassy...having an open plane ticket, etc...or would I?.... I will not let my imagination tempt me to put God in a box. I will go with no expectations. My God is so big and so creative. He makes me smile everyday, especially how he is teaching me through all four of my children...His children. When I look at each one of them, I see HIS reflection smiling back at me. Lord, help me to surrender Uganda to YOU. Equip me to serve YOU. Help me to wait on You and Your timing graciously. I love these scriptures..."What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. YOU DO NOT HAVE, BECAUSE YOU DO NOT ASK GOD. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." James 4:1-3...I have had this conversation with God. We are working this out and I'm so excited! I'm praying that HE teaches me the full meaning of these scriptures! It's urgent that I learn to always seek the will of God and trust in HIM for everything. Thank you God for the patience You have with me and for Your grace!
Praising Him from whom all blessings flow!
Amiee
