"Her momma must be white..."

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."  Philippians 3:12

"Beautiful Before"

I don't want to write this entry.  That's when I know I have to.  I don't know if it's because I'm prideful (I am), stubborn (I am) or fighting not let both of my feet fall into the trap of "the world"(I do).  There is no doubt that one year ago, I wasn't equipped to communicate with Joan.  I didn't know sign language but God has/is equipping me.  My prayer had been that God would heal Joan but instead, he healed me...he healed me from pride and gave me a good dose of humility through Joan's deafness.  He showed me again that I don't need to be in the business of "fixing" others but loving them where they are.  HE has met me where I am and I am so thankful.   HE never stops pursuing me.  After we resolved the "hearing issue", I believe God has given me a momentary reprisal.  He has let me catch my breath and boy did I need to catch it.  I can feel HIM preparing me for something else, maybe another race.  What else could there be after the past year "Reeves Party of Six" has had?  But, I know that God is not going to continue to let me think for long that I have it "all figured out".  He is going to continue to seek me, challenge me and forgive me when I think that "I'm doing it".  He's going to show me on the days I say to myself "I can't do this" that I'm not supposed to.  HE is.  He is going to continue to show me that I need HIM and that is all I need.  The world is going to continue to tell me that it's all about me but I know that none of this is about me...It has been during this "quiet time" in our family that I finally got motivated to do something with Joan's hair.  I have been studying a site called "Chocolate Hair/ Vanilla Care".  It is a website where white women post questions about their black children's hair.  Black women answer all of the questions and do their best to "equip" us "vanilla mom's" to care for our "chocolate children's" hair.  Ya'll, it's not easy to deal with Joan's hair.  She has the driest, tightest curls I have ever seen.  If you stretch it out, it's really much longer than it looks.  If I tease it up, within an hour its drawing back to her head.  You can't tell it's even been combed.  I have had more free advice and unsolicited comments from many, many black women.  Many have given me their personal phone numbers and all but pleaded for me to let them help.  Honestly, I have struggled with this.  The issues we have had with communication and language have trumped any worry or concern I have had about her hair.  It hasn't been a priority for me.  It's sill not.  Besides not having time to get my own hair "done", I love her hair the way it "naturally is".  I love it teased up as high as it will go with a headband that makes it look even higher.  I love how she is different.  I loved her when she was bald headed with a few ring worms.  I loved her when she only had one dress that was a size 18 months that she could wear when she was 7 years old because she was so, so small.  Many of the children don't have hair in Uganda.  They keep it shaved.  Her "unkept" hair is an endearing reminder to me of Uganda and how Jesus washed my feet while I was there.  By the grace of God, Joan and Derrick don't look like they are from the streets of Kabalagala any more.  They have each gained 9 pounds in 10 months.  They are both taller.  Derrick is almost as tall as Joan.   I don't want them to ever forget who God made them to be and that they were born in Uganda.  I don't want them to ever think that I came in and saved them.  God has been their Father since He brought them into this world and HE has protected them and blessed them abundantly especially when they were on the streets of Kabalagala.  Do I put them in nice clothes?  Yes.  Do I let them eat ice cream when every they want because vanilla ice cream is their favorite treat?  Yes....So why do I struggle with  getting her hair done?  I don't know.  Maybe because I have a lack of time and energy.   That's a good possibility.  Maybe sadness that my little Ugandan angle is turning a little American?  Probably.  I really don't know if I do a good job as a mom teaching my children to serve others as much as I serve my children.  That makes them my idol.  That is my sin.  I'm seeking Lord.  I'm praying for God to show me.  He will but right now, He's letting me breath.  I am thankful.  So, after one of the "chocolate ladies" at Joan's school said, "Her momma must be white" referring to Joan's "natural African" hair, I caved and went to one of the many places recommended to me and I had her hair "done".

"Smiling through the pain"

She was so excited.  It took about two hours which really isn't long.  I'm sure as it continues to get longer, it will take longer to "fix" her hair.  It had to hurt the way the lady pulled on it but Joan endured the pain...Beauty can sometimes be painful.  As soon as Derrick saw her he said, "Momma, who did that to her?"  I told him.  I said, "Do you like it?"  He said, "No.  She doesn't look like Joanie."  I agree with him.  She looks different.  She looks older.  I didn't adopt these children to make them different.  I adopted them because God grew them in my heart years before they came to live with us.  This was HIS plan from the beginning.  The children of Uganda have a special place in my heart.  Maybe I've mentioned that one or twice. :)  Today, I got to talk to all of the boys in SOZO's third house and Joel.  They warmed my heart!  They are 14 and 15 years old.  All they wanted to know was "When are you coming to Uganda?".  They are the future of Uganda.  Please keep them in your prayers.  Pray that they desire to know the Lord and HIS will for their lives.  Pray that they follow Jesus and that they look for HIM wherever they are.  Pray for them like you pray for your children.  That is what "loving your neighbor" is.  Listen to where He calls you and obey.  I am called not to let them forget and I won't.  God is teaching me how to train them up the way HE wants.  It's different than the way I raised Laurel and Coleman but the love is the same and just as great.    My chocolate babies momma is very white.  She was right.  I can't dance.  I burn before I tan.  I do love Mow Town and Joan and I watched The Temptations and Smoky Robinson the other night and we both loved it.  They move in sync when they dance so she can "see" the rhythm.  I don't know what we will do with the hair going forward.  I pray everyday that I only live one day at a time.  Thinking much further ahead than that is my pride because there are no guarantees about tomorrow.  Her new "do" is cute and it has grown on me.  She isn't in Uganda anymore and neither am I.  I know that I am not perfect but I pray God will give me the strength to press on and take hold of what Jesus puts in front of me and that HE will continue to keep me in HIS grip!

"Same Joanie, new do"

Praising God From Whom All Blessings Flow,

Amiee :)

"Won't you be my neighbor..."

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-38

Today is Easter Sunday.  I have so much to share about our "first" Easter as a family but something has been heavy on my heart for about a week.  Let me start by saying when I write this blog, I usually don't know where it's going to end up.  I have found if I'm inhibited to write something, that's a sure way to identify that satan is trying to hide the light that is for God's glory.  If it takes me longer than 15 minutes, I start over thinking it...trying to "fix" it and that's not where God wants me any more..."fixing" what HE intends to use for HIS glory.  In the past, when  someone or something made me feel uncomfortable, I had several ways of dealing with the person or the situation.  I avoided or ignored the situation or the person.  Or one of my most self destructive tendencies was to internalize this and go overboard "trying to fix it".  This was a major form of pride in my life.  Here are a few lines of Beth Moore's poem "My Name is Pride" that completely describe me..."My name is Pride. I am a cheater.  I cheat you of your God - given destiny...because you demand your own way.  I cheat you of contentment...because you "deserve better than this."  I cheat you of healing...because you are to full of you to forgive.  I cheat you of holiness..because you refuse to admit when you are wrong.  I cheat you of vision...because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window.  I cheat you of genuine friendship...because nobody's going to know the real you.  I cheat you of love...because real romance demands sacrifice.  I cheat you of greatness in heaven...because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.  I cheat you of God's glory...because I convinced you to seek your own.  My name is Pride.  I am a cheater.  You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you.  Untrue.  I'm looking to make a fool of you.  God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...If you stick with me you'll never know."   Okay, my pride thought I only identified with a line or two but as I was typing, God showed me again that I'm soooo prideful so thank you Beth Moore for sharing this poem with me.  I think you must have met be before.

I have been very fortunate in the area of the globe where live, people have been very receptive to our adoption.  I have experienced something recently that has perplexed me.  I don't want to go into who has offended me and please don't ask me.  I will be inclined to gossip and I'm trying to overcome my sinful tongue.  My tendency when I am moved out of my comfort zone in a relationship is to avoid the person or the situation because "I want my own way, I deserve better, and I don't want to wash this person's feet!"  As Beth Moore has so beautifully reminded me, this is pride and it's very familiar to me.  I have been examining over the past week what my "sin", "character defect" or "my part" may be in this situation.  God has directed me to the scripture above specifically the second verse, "love your neighbor as yourself".   When I was in the uncomfortable situation, I wanted to shout this to the instigator of my anger.  I wanted to shake them and say, "these people" are your neighbor.  Then, because of the loving spirit of a friend that I shared with gently reminded me, "be the vessel, not the messenger".  Even though I didn't like the comment that was made to me, God can and will still use me to sharpen them and HE has definitely used them to sharpen me.  My anger was the first sign that I was prideful.  I was focused on how I could manipulate the situation.  I wanted to be "right".  The comment was very painful to me because "these people" are now my children, family, and they are part of the body of Christ and they need their neighbors to "love them".  Do they live in my zip code?  No.  Do they have the same color of skin as me?  No.  Do they speak the same language as me?  No.  Are they my neighbor?  YES.  God commands me to love them.  It's not optional.  It's not when it's convenient for me.  It has to be like breathing or I am missing what God has told me.  Well friend that offended me, I am confessing my pride to God because I judged you and I didn't love you well.  That is not how God intends to use my witness.   Because God commands me to love my neighbor as myself, I will pray that through the situation that God will be bringing your way, you can come to know your neighbor.  I didn't "know" my neighbor for 42 years.  I thought I did but I really didn't and I also didn't have the desire to know them.   God has greatly changed my heart and I am thankful.  I pray that I will not sit in judgement of your words because that is MY pride, my sin,  my character defect.  I will love you well.  I will not be tempted to control this situation because in the end, God will be glorified.  That's all that matters.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest let me tell you we had a wonderful Easter!  We had a low key beautiful day!  The kids, all four of them loved looking for the Easter Eggs.  Derrick actually found more than Joan.  Laurel and Colman, well they had fun too!  God has so blessed my life with my family.  I love how my children love each other.  It's beautiful to watch how they have blended as siblings.  They look out for each other and love each other well.  We are trying to explain the resurrection to Joan because she has asked to be baptized but she is having trouble understanding "the blood" of Jesus.  As we get more language, I know she will begin to understand better that HE gave his life for us so that we can live with HIM forever.  What good news that really is in my life!

Praising God From Whom All Blessings Flow,

Amiee :)