"We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up." Romans 15: 1-2
It's been two weeks since Shamira and Phiona have been in America. We are learning a lot about each other. I am learning a lot about myself as well. It's very tempting for me to share only part of our time together but I am reminded that God is glorified by our trials and suffering...James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." So, I am considering it "pure joy" that we are facing a few trials of many kinds. I know that my faith is being testing and I know that God will persevere. There have been some surprises for me living with Shamira. That means that I had "expectations" and I should not have. My hope was in my own knowledge of what I thought would happen instead of waiting for God to show me. I have recognized this and I have put "expectations" down. Expectations can be a trap that Satan sets for me when I become complacent with my relationship with the Lord. Thank you Father that I recognize this. Here are some of the things I have learned about Shamira...She's the best dancer in the family...sorry Joanie but she just is. Hamburgers are her favorite food. She likes to eat, a lot! She would rather take a bath than a shower. She misses some of the relationships she had in Kabalagala. She is afraid of the night, not the dark. She LOVES Todd! She likes to set the table and start the dishwasher...even if there are only a few dishes in it :) She likes to "shadow"...color. She likes math better than reading. She says she wants to be an accountant because she likes to count money...I have no idea where she learned about accountants. She is not attached to me yet. I think I can go as far to say she avoids me. I think I scare her. This has really perplexed me. (pride? yes!) Trust is something I desire but when I really start to think about it, it's something I struggle with. Maybe she does too. On Thursday we went to see the surgeon that has bent over backwards to get her to the United States but also is completely devoted to seeing this child's body be healed. His name is Dr. Michael Beckinstein. You will be hearing a lot about him. When Todd called him to ask if he would consider helping Shamira Todd had not even finished with her story and he said "YES!" Her appointment was Thursday and Dr. Beckinstein called Todd about 7:30 Wednesday night to see if we'd like to meet him with Shamira to get yogurt. Dr. B thought she might be more comfortable seeing him on Thursday if she had met him before. (I have not heard of a doctor going this much out of the way for a patient.) Again, it's great not to have expectations. So much to the dismay of the rest of the children, the three of us went to meet Dr. Beckinstein, his daughter and her friend for yogurt. We had a great time. I don't think I mentioned previously, Shamira has been a handful for me... I hadn't "expected" her to be. God knew she was going to be but I hadn't "expected" her to be. I was disappointed, a little mad and resentful that I am really having to treat her more like a 3 year old than a 12 year old. I didn't "expect" her to like to play with light switches, the blinds, the garage door opener, the t.v., the remote controls, the dishwasher, to hide when I call her, to pull things out of the attic, to eat candy and hide it from me, etc. My fault, not hers... I'm the one that had "expectations". We had a great time at the yogurt place! Dr. Beckinstein's daughter was so good with Shamira. They are almost the same age. It was truly surreal sitting there with them. I saw Shamira's demeanor soften a bit. I saw her cling to Todd with her eyes. He is her safe place. The next day, she and I went for her appointment with Dr. Beckinstein. They treated her like she was the only patient they had. Their waiting room was packed. We only waited for a few minutes. I noticed Shamria had a hard time focusing. The waiting room was beautiful, probably not like the other doctors offices and hospitals she's been to before. They called us back and every single person we walked past introduced themselves to us. Shamira looked timid and unsure. They went beyond what I "expected". I had seen pictures of Shamira's scars but I have never seen them for myself. Some of them you can see when she wears a sundress but the worst part you cannot see when she's clothed. They gave her the paper gown to put on and she giggled. I didn't "expect" it to bother her as much as it did. She hid her face but I was thankful she didn't run out of the room. As she sat on the table waiting for Dr. Beckinstein to come in, she stared out of the window. It was a beautiful view of the city of Birmingham. I wanted to know so badly what she was thinking but at the same time I could see she was working things out in her mind. She was remembering why she was in the US...it wasn't to go tubing or play with friends...it was to heal her. I asked her, "what are you thinking?" She answered, "it's very different here". That's all she said and I left it at that. I knew her story of how her accident happened. I have never heard it from her but I asked her before we got to the doctor if she could tell me how she got her scars. All she told me was that her "step mom" poured the "pot" on her and her "sister" took her to the doctor. As she was undressing from her paper gown and I saw for myself her scars, God broke my heart...She wouldn't look at herself in the mirror. She closed her eyes and covered her face. Another woman did this to her, someone that should have protected her! In her mind, I may be no different that her step mom. It's going to take her a while to trust me. I am going to have to earn it before she gives it to me. God showed that to me in the office that day. How could someone have done this to her, especially a woman? I do not understand. There are a lot of things I don't understand about Kabalagala and I'm never going to. I do not know if this woman that did this to her is alive or dead. I do not know her circumstances. If she is alive, I would not be surprised if I met her. I don't know why but that's how I feel. Dr. Beckinstein told me that we would start surgeries in July. He said the first one is going to be the hardest. It will be painful for her. It will be a slow process of healing. As we were leaving the office another lady on his staff introduced herself to Shamira and told her, "you are part of our family now and we are going to take care of you". I'd like to take that lady to Uganda with me. That's it! WE are All family and that is how you love your neighbor. She gets it! Dr. Beckinstein "gets it". I'm so honored to be on this journey with Shamira. Oh Shamira, forgive me for having "expectations" of you. You are a precious child of the King of Kings! You are beautiful and wonderfully made in HIS image. You are HIS daughter and HE counts you worthy! Lord, equip our family to love her through her journey. Give me extra patients and understanding with her. Help me to put my "expectations" down! Thank you for sharing her with us. Lord, we who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak. Lord, I am strong only through YOUR grace. Help me to live to please YOU and not myself. Help Shamira to see YOUR love for her through our family. Protect my marriage and my children during this time of healing her body. Put an extra hedge of protection around our home. Satan hates what is happening through SOZO Father. Help our resolve to stay in Uganda become even stronger. Bless each child at SOZO and Rays of Hope today. Lord, give others the courage to serve these children. Make us so uncomfortable through their suffering that we move closer to YOU. Help me to live to please YOU and to build up my neighbors.
In Your Grip,
Amiee :)
