Today is Easter Sunday. I have so much to share about our "first" Easter as a family but something has been heavy on my heart for about a week. Let me start by saying when I write this blog, I usually don't know where it's going to end up. I have found if I'm inhibited to write something, that's a sure way to identify that satan is trying to hide the light that is for God's glory. If it takes me longer than 15 minutes, I start over thinking it...trying to "fix" it and that's not where God wants me any more..."fixing" what HE intends to use for HIS glory. In the past, when someone or something made me feel uncomfortable, I had several ways of dealing with the person or the situation. I avoided or ignored the situation or the person. Or one of my most self destructive tendencies was to internalize this and go overboard "trying to fix it". This was a major form of pride in my life. Here are a few lines of Beth Moore's poem "My Name is Pride" that completely describe me..."My name is Pride. I am a cheater. I cheat you of your God - given destiny...because you demand your own way. I cheat you of contentment...because you "deserve better than this." I cheat you of healing...because you are to full of you to forgive. I cheat you of holiness..because you refuse to admit when you are wrong. I cheat you of vision...because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window. I cheat you of genuine friendship...because nobody's going to know the real you. I cheat you of love...because real romance demands sacrifice. I cheat you of greatness in heaven...because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth. I cheat you of God's glory...because I convinced you to seek your own. My name is Pride. I am a cheater. You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you. Untrue. I'm looking to make a fool of you. God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...If you stick with me you'll never know." Okay, my pride thought I only identified with a line or two but as I was typing, God showed me again that I'm soooo prideful so thank you Beth Moore for sharing this poem with me. I think you must have met be before.
I have been very fortunate in the area of the globe where live, people have been very receptive to our adoption. I have experienced something recently that has perplexed me. I don't want to go into who has offended me and please don't ask me. I will be inclined to gossip and I'm trying to overcome my sinful tongue. My tendency when I am moved out of my comfort zone in a relationship is to avoid the person or the situation because "I want my own way, I deserve better, and I don't want to wash this person's feet!" As Beth Moore has so beautifully reminded me, this is pride and it's very familiar to me. I have been examining over the past week what my "sin", "character defect" or "my part" may be in this situation. God has directed me to the scripture above specifically the second verse, "love your neighbor as yourself". When I was in the uncomfortable situation, I wanted to shout this to the instigator of my anger. I wanted to shake them and say, "these people" are your neighbor. Then, because of the loving spirit of a friend that I shared with gently reminded me, "be the vessel, not the messenger". Even though I didn't like the comment that was made to me, God can and will still use me to sharpen them and HE has definitely used them to sharpen me. My anger was the first sign that I was prideful. I was focused on how I could manipulate the situation. I wanted to be "right". The comment was very painful to me because "these people" are now my children, family, and they are part of the body of Christ and they need their neighbors to "love them". Do they live in my zip code? No. Do they have the same color of skin as me? No. Do they speak the same language as me? No. Are they my neighbor? YES. God commands me to love them. It's not optional. It's not when it's convenient for me. It has to be like breathing or I am missing what God has told me. Well friend that offended me, I am confessing my pride to God because I judged you and I didn't love you well. That is not how God intends to use my witness. Because God commands me to love my neighbor as myself, I will pray that through the situation that God will be bringing your way, you can come to know your neighbor. I didn't "know" my neighbor for 42 years. I thought I did but I really didn't and I also didn't have the desire to know them. God has greatly changed my heart and I am thankful. I pray that I will not sit in judgement of your words because that is MY pride, my sin, my character defect. I will love you well. I will not be tempted to control this situation because in the end, God will be glorified. That's all that matters.
Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest let me tell you we had a wonderful Easter! We had a low key beautiful day! The kids, all four of them loved looking for the Easter Eggs. Derrick actually found more than Joan. Laurel and Colman, well they had fun too! God has so blessed my life with my family. I love how my children love each other. It's beautiful to watch how they have blended as siblings. They look out for each other and love each other well. We are trying to explain the resurrection to Joan because she has asked to be baptized but she is having trouble understanding "the blood" of Jesus. As we get more language, I know she will begin to understand better that HE gave his life for us so that we can live with HIM forever. What good news that really is in my life!
Praising God From Whom All Blessings Flow,
Amiee :)
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