"Spread Thin: Less of me, More of HIM!"

"I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  Galatians 2:20

I have clung to this verse this week.  We had a lengthy appointment at IAC (International Adoption Clinic) on Monday.  The kids are healthy.  We had more blood work to prove it.  They were both very brave and I didn't cry this time.  We had lengthy discussions about D.  The bottom line is he's just not as old as his "paperwork" says he is.  Unfortunately for him, he is here post 911 and immigration does not mess around with paperwork that doesn't match up.  The laws changed September of 2011.  Legally he is almost seven years old.  Developmentally, socially, physically he is four years old.  They have diagnosed him with PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) disorder.  So, I'm praying for God to just lay out for me what HE wants me to do with Derrick as far as school is concerned.  I know he's not ready for school.  He's beginning to process that he is safe.  He's beginning to process what it's like to be part of a family that doesn't want to "throw him away".  I see glimpses of security but I also still see a lot of fear.  God is healing him but along the way, he is realizing now what he didn't have in Uganda.  I don't think he realized how bad he had it before until now.  He didn't know there was "greener grass".   I don't really know how but I know God did protect these children, HIS children.

Coleman and Laurel may be two of the most "selfless" children I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  They help me so much.  They are responsible and kind.  They don't usually complain and if they do, I probably need to listen better.  Coleman is taking some time off from extra curricular activities and it is great seeing him more.  He plays basketball with the "twins" (that is what we call them because so many times they remind us of twins).  He dishes out more than Joan can take sometimes and I love to see that.  Laurel is thick into tennis now and I don't think it will be much longer before Joan is getting her racquet and going with Laurel.  Joan's eyes can see as quick as our ears can hear.  It's really is amazing.
Joanie...Joanie...that girl made my hair grey this week.  I'm not going to go into the "gory details" of "the incident" but she is something!  She must have had a flashback because she "went African" on her best friend at school.  There is no doubt that God hand picked this little friend for Joan because she is a tiny little angel and her heart is bigger than she is.  After two days of working with two different interpreters, the "incident" was resolved and grace was given.  What  ASL signs did Joan learn this week?  Anger, depressed, confused, guilty, frustrated, just a few of the emotions she experienced recently.  Now we are learning how to tell others when we feel these emotions.  It's a beautiful thing really.  We all express ourselves differently.  One of the things I admire about Joan is she is not afraid or inhibited to express herself.  Her body language and facial expressions do not lie.  She has no filter.  As I have continued on my crash course of deaf education, I'm learning that things that I thought were important for her to know are no longer important to me.  For example, her teacher asked me how I felt about her learning the "Pledge of Allegiance".  I said I'd rather take the time to teach her the 23rd Psalm.  Do I want her to participate in the "boosterthon"?  I'd rather her learn to express herself in an appropriate way so that I don't have to worry about her getting sent home from school early in the future.  This is why the scripture above is so important to me.  I am not in control of any of this.  I have surrendered it to Christ who lives in me.  I don't have to figure it all out.  HE will and has shown me the way.  I am forced by these circumstances (having 4 children all with special needs going in all different directions) to live one day at a time.  That is right where HE wants me.  I really believe when I'm not spread so thin, I get complacent, lazy and self righteous.  I start believing that I "deserve" a good life.  I tell myself I  "deserve" all of the blessings that God has given me.  My good life can be a trap for me to think I was entitled to the life HE has given.  I forget to consider the price that was paid for my "good life".  I was prideful to many times thinking to myself, "I deserve better".  I have confessed this to God and HE has forgiven me.  Anything "good" that comes from my life is only from Christ that lives in me.  God sent HIS son to die for me so that I can live forever with HIM.  I will stumble and I will fail and God will still be there to carry me forgive me and love me.  At this point in my life, I am only able to live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Praising God From Whom All Blessings Flow,

Amiee :)