"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go:  I will counsel you and watch over you."  Psalm 32:7

Old Baker's Farm 2011

Waiting for the Hayride

The next scripture after Psalm 32:8 instructs us "not to be be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit an bridle or they will not come to you."  Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the joy of my life that I don't allow myself to remember that it's also difficult.  When I don't get enough rest and when I miss my morning quiet time, I gradually begin to slip into my old habit of believing the lie that Satan tells me, "you are in control".  I have had a difficult time this week.  It all seems to catch up with me gradually.  There wasn't any one thing that made it difficult but it has been hard.  I have scheduled our second rounds of shots for the kids.  They will each get 5 more next Friday.  That will be fun.  We have added an antibiotic for Joan because she has a parasite.  She has to take this medicine 3 times a day so I have to go to school and give her the second dose.  This medicine makes her not want to eat and she is already skin and bones.  She has started gagging when I give it to her.  She has a ring worm on her face that we have already treated once but it has come back.  I can't remember to send the library book back on Thursdays.  We couldn't find shoes or jackets this morning.  Coleman forgot the lunch that I made for him.  We start speech therapy today and before that, we have to go into the health department to pick up RX for the 9 month TB therapy that we have begun.  Everyone's pants that we just bought 3 - 4 weeks ago are to short...even Coleman's.  I forgot to put Joan's hearing aids in today...I'm sure there is more that I have forgotten but maybe you can see why my quiet time and sleep are so important to me and my family.  Here's my main issue...Oh, this is hard to say...Joan has had some behavior problems at school.  I don't know how to handle them with her.  Actually, I do know how to handle them with her but I don't like how "conflict" makes me feel.  Derrick has begun to share some unpleasant "things" from the past...things that no child should ever know about.  It makes me angry and sad.   I'm thankful that he is communicating these things with me.  I listen to him.  I love him.  I praise him.  I hold him.  He came up to me one morning while I was getting dressed this week and said, "Momma, I'm never leaving you."  I said, "I'm never leaving you baby."  He is able to tell me what is on his heart...even if it's in broken English with a mild lisp and a stutter.  Joan, pushes her friends and breaks in line in the library.  Maybe this means, "some hard things happened to me in my past and I want you to know about it."  Her communication has consequences...right or wrong it has to happen.  Yes, we have struggled with lining up again this week.  What if she's trying to tell me something and I don't know it? The "deaf" part of our life right now is very challenging to me.  It affects everyone in our family. She's so tired when school is over that really all we get is what's left over of her small tiny body and her enormous desire to experience her new world.  But, honestly, it's difficult.  I don't want to spend less time with her.  I want to spend more time with her.  I want to know her better than she knows herself.  I want to protect her from ever being hurt or wronged again because she has experienced enough pain for a life time.  Pridefully, that's what I want for all of my children.  The reason I say "pridefully" is because it leads me to believe that I am in control.  I am not in control.  HE is because I have surrendered this to HIM.  Even if I hadn't surrendered "control"  I'm still not in control because I'm powerless.  The question is, am I making it harder than it should be?  Am I making her choices about how it reflects on me as a parent?  Or, is this normal behavior that will be her way of communicating with us so we know when she is struggling because I don't think Joan has a mean bone in her body.   How can I communicate better with her?  I don't know.  I don't want to be the horse or the mule that has no understanding, that has to be controlled by the bit and bridle...I want the Lord's unfailing love because I trust in HIM.  (Psalm 32:10)  I'm mad that my children were exposed to unthinkable sins.  I'm mad.  Mad is not a comfortable emotion for me and I don't even like to admit it.  I want to spend more time with them not less.  This is what I know for sure...the pain and uncomfortableness in my life has always drawn me nearer to my Heavenly Father.  He has used times of grieving and pain as a time to refine me and to know HIM better...to know His ways better.  I pray that this is what I can teach my children.  I can't protect them from the fallen world that we live in but they have a Saviour that can.  I can try and hide it from them but inevitably when I least expect it and before I know it, they will discover on their own that sin is a part of the world and we all sin.  Their Heavenly Father knows the pain in their hearts and He can heal them.  So, when they share their pain with me I can listen and pray that they will put their hope in Him because I am powerless.  When they have bad days at school, I will still love them and so will HE.  I will pray for them everyday that He will equip me to love them well and that HE will teach me in the way I should go.  He is watching over us!  He has brought us together for HIS glory.  HIS glory can shine through us through the pain and the suffering if we will allow it to. If I hadn't had times of suffering in my life, I wouldn't have needed my unfailing Saviour.  Suffering is how HE's led me to "need" HIM.  Father, help me to keep my knees at the foot of YOUR cross.  Equip me to teach my children to know YOUR ways.   Help me to remember that YOU are in control and that I have already surrendered to YOUR will.  :) Thanks for letting me share.

In HIS grip,
Amiee

"He Equips the Called..."

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to pull their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.  Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.  In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life."  1 Timothy 6:17-19


This blog will be "better than a Hallelujah".  I'm going to poor out my misery.  God will just hear a melody.  Beautiful the mess we are...  You probably know that song.  Last week Derrick told me every day he was ready to go back to the "beash".  Joan had swimmers ear.  Thank goodness for medicine.  Todd, Derrick and I took Joan Friday morning for her "speech evaluation".  We were there for about 2 hours.  I told the speech therapist, who was precious, what we were doing for Joan at school...(learning sign language with interpreters) etc.  She was definitely on the same page with us about Joan's "language".  We are going to start therapy at Children's Hospital for Joan as soon as there is an opening.  She went into more detail explaining how the brain processes differentiating sounds...example, Joan can't tell the difference in a truck driving by and our voices.  She has actually started responding less to our voices since she has the hearing aids because it's all just noise to her.  After the two hour appointment at the "Hearing Center" we went straight to Children's Hospital for a cat scan, MRI and 5 viles of blood to be drawn.  Thank the good Lord that Todd Reeves was with me.  Joan is a daddy's girl.  She is all about Todd.  I love watching them.  He loves her by picking on her, laughing at her, playing with her and when it's all said and done, she climbs up in his lap and begs for more.  Today, Todd did the hard stuff...holding her down for the IV.  None of us ate lunch because she couldn't eat or drink anything.  Joan and Derrick never complained about being hungry.  They have been hungry before and they are very familiar with "hunger".  Joan did really well for the testing and the nurses and doctors were wonderful!  As I was sitting there waiting for those tests to be done, I started going through my mind what the speech therapist told us and my brain began to process that Joan's "speech therapy" is more about learning to listen than to speak.  I felt a little dip in my stomach as my brain began to process what this will look like in our lives.  The main thing is we HAVE to learn sign language.  Satan crept into my mind and began to tell me I would not be able to learn it enough to build a relationship with her.  He wants me to believe how inadequate I am and that I will not overcome this because it scares me to think about some of the conversations that I would like to have with Joan even now that I am not capable of having...(ex. what a line is for and why we need to be in lines).  I'm still bothered that I can't "read" a book to her.  You see what Satan does?  He knows just how to find the cracks in my faith.  He finds the cracks and seeps inside.  This entire day, Friday, through all of the testing I was looking for a way out of the "deaf world" for me, not for Joan.  In the back of my mind, I keep thinking, maybe I won't have to emerge myself in sign language.  Maybe there will be new technology to help "her".  I'm still conflicted about my motives with the testing we are involved in.  I'm praying about "my motives" with the "hearing" process for Joan.  One thing I know about myself is I have hurt a lot of people through my life with "good intentions".  Anyway, that's another story.

Sunday morning, we decided to go to a church that has signing interpreters through the service.  We wanted to see how Joan responded to them and we were interested in seeing them for ourselves.  We sat down and then we realized where the signers were so we moved over to that side of the church.  I knew one of the interpreters.  She is a sister in Christ that has adopted 3 children that are deaf.  I can see why God lead her to adopt deaf children.  She is a beautiful "signer".  She makes it look effortless.  I feel like when I sign, I have a "stutter" or a speech "signing" impediment.  It's not pretty when I sign....it's really not.  Signing with her was one of Joan's interpreters from school.  Joan was beside herself with excitement to see AJ and her husband. They are with Joan 4 hours a day.  Her husband is deaf and Joan absolutely adores him.  We don't think she realizes D is deaf.   When I went to introduce myself to him in "sign language" I realized I don't have a sign for my name, "Amiee".  I'm just "momma". I've got to come up with a sign for my name.  I cried the entire time watching Joan in her "deaf" world with people that can communicate with her.  IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!  Sitting two rows behind us was my life line during the adoption, Sheryl.  She was sitting with her beautiful family, two of which are from Uganda.  I think I will always well up with tears when I see her.  We were not friends before but we are friends for life and sisters in Christ forever!  So you see the picture I'm painting...God was all over us Sunday morning guiding me to the deaf world.  Now you're really not going to believe what HE did next.  Katie from Uganda...www.kissesfromKatie.blogspot.com...was there.  If you don't know her story, you should look at her blog.  She has an amazing story.  She is a young beautiful girl that decided against her families wishes to stay in Uganda for a year right out of high school.  Long story short, she has been there about 3 years and never came back to America. She has an amazing heart for orphans and the people of Uganda.  She is not even 25 years old yet and she has started an amazing ministry and adopted 14 children of her own.  Katie has just written a book.  I have to say, I want to read the book I think her mother should write.  I don't know how I would cope with that decision if that were Laurel.  I guess I would eventually surrender it to God because that's really all you can do but wow!  That's big for the Kingdom but hard on a mother's heart.  She talked about Uganda and the people and she took me right back to SOZO and Rays of Hope.  God was all over me in that service.  We had no idea she was going to be there.  If she had said at the end of the service, "I have 6 plane tickets to Uganda.  Who would like to go?"  Reeves Party of Six would have been "lined" up (Joan could be first) ready to go and serve the beautiful people of Uganda.  When I think about Uganda, it's hard for me to explain what's so enticing about it.  The poverty is still more than my eyes can comprehend.  The abuse that young girls suffer is my worst nightmare.  For me, what is beautiful about Uganda and my time there is how I had to draw nearer to God for him to meet my every need.  To say that all the people there can cling to is God is not an understatement.  I don't live like that here.  I am blessed sooooo abundantly.  I know I am not giving enough away.  Enough of what?  Myself, my resources, my gifts and my talents.  My hope is in the "ways of this world" way to much.  Christmas is coming.  How much money will I spend on decorating my house?  More than I will honestly admit.  How many children could I feed with that money? I don't even want to think about that but Christ is commanding me to go to that uncomfortable place.  Every night when I tuck Joan and Derrick into bed Derrick blesses Rays of Hope and SOZO.  He asks about his friends there but he doesn't want to go back.  I can't let him forget and they won't let me forget how God blessed me with my time in Uganda.  God's word says, "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."  I have seen this verse in high definition!  Lord, please help me to put my hope back in YOU.  "Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share".  He's not suggesting to do good.  He's commanding me to be good and HE's commanding me to be willing to share.  Sharing is a beautiful thing.  I never regret sharing.  If I do, I'm full of pride.  Two things bother me now that didn't bother me before I went to Uganda.  "I'm starving"...to hear people say this bother's me now.  I've said it myself and I know now when I say it, I am lying.  "I'm proud of you"...I say this to my kids and when I do, I am putting my hope in them instead of teaching them that my hope is in the Lord.  There is nothing good in my life that I have accomplished by myself.  There is nothing good in me.  "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out."  Romans 7:18  This has been a concept I have been praying about for about a year.  This verse has so much hope for me.  My fear of not being adequate to be in the "deaf world" is because I'm thinking it's all about me...that is pride.  How many times have I heard people say, "God doesn't call the equipped.  He equips the called."  I'm not good enough.  HE is.  I'm not able.  HE is.  When I remember that it's not about me and I don't have to be "good enough"  my knees are at the foot of the cross and I will see HIM move mountains.  Adoption was a mountain.  Deafness is a mountain.  It's all about God, not me.  It's all in HIS timing.  HE called me to adopt Joan and Derrick.  HE must have a good reason and a plan.  I know it's all for HIS glory!  Lord, help my life to reflect the glory and grace you have extend to me.  Equip me to be the mother of 4 beautiful children who communicate differently.  Equip me to be the wife that you desire for me to be and help me to love others well.  Help me to be rich in good deeds and to be generous and willing to share.  Forgive me of my sin of pride.  Help me to stay at the foot of YOUR cross.


In His Grip!
Amiee :)

"The Line"

"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his ways.  All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant."  Psalm 25: 9-10

     We went to Orange Beach for Columbus Day.  We had a GREAT time.  The kids loved the ocean!  They loved eating fish for every meal.  It was windy but the weather couldn't have been any better.  I didn't read a book but I did a lot of "people watching"...mostly "my people".  Derrick really wants to "catch a fish".  I think he has seen several "Little Bear" episodes and Father Bear is a fisherman.  Hopefully, soon we can take him fishing.  Coleman enjoyed the slower pace that is easy to find at the beach.  He stays so busy with school and sports.  I miss him so much because he's truly gone all of the time.  He is a gentle spirit that quiets my soul.  He is an amazing young man.  He carried all of the "heavy stuff".  God has equipped Joan and Derrick with an amazing brother that is great at guiding them gently.   Coleman probably doesn't read this blog but I love you Coleman and I'm so thankful and blessed that God choose me to be your momma.  Laurel...couldn't make it without her.  Joan counts on Laurel a lot.  They are so much a like...I'm sure they wouldn't like being "compared" but I will say that I have two very strong willed daughters that love the Lord.  They worship Him differently.  They have met Him on different paths but they both know HIM and will share how HE has blessed their lives.  Laurel knows the most sign language in our family.  I think that is why Joan is drawn to her.  I love to watch them together.  There's no doubt God equipped Laurel to be Joan and Derrick's sister.  Joan wakes up in the middle of the night and "sneaks" into Laurel's room to sleep with her.  Its so funny because Joan is so small and she loves to sneak up on everyone but she is the loudest person in the house.  She will even tell us to be quiet so she can "sneak" up on someone.  Todd had been waking up at 4:00a.m. every morning but he didn't know why.  I think that is about the time Joan "sneaks" into Laurel's room...that girl! 

     

 School is going good for Joan.  There is a common problem that she has....every day, day after day..."The Line".  She has not transitioned from the lines she waited in in Uganda (or didn't wait in) to the order and process of "lines" in America.  Waiting is hard for her.  The concept of a line leader and taking turns to her is like me trying to understand Lugandan.  Lugandan doesn't click for me and lining up without pushing and shoving doesn't click for her.  Please pray for the children in her class to be graced with extra compassion for her in this area because they are going to need it.  She can't wait in line for the swings on the playground.  She doesn't understand if she gets off the swings to "push a friend" and then goes back to the original swing she was on to find another "friend" swinging why she now has to "wait" her turn.  Oh Lord...it's so hard to understand "waiting".  It's hard to understand the process of order and how it affects us.  The rest of the mommas in the "carpool line" are hoping and praying that their kindergartners are learning to read and write.  I'm praying that my baby keeps her hands to herself and begins to understand the concept of "grace" while waiting in "line".  She is so smart and I have asked myself why this is so hard for her.  This is what I have come up with.  Being first in line in Uganda means that you will probably get whatever is being handed out...bread, porridge or maybe medicine.  I handed out "bread" many times when I was at Rays of Hope.  I get teary eyed thinking about this.  These children lined up without pushing or shoving.  They lined up smallest to tallest.  They received the bread with both hands cupped together and after they had the bread in their hands, they kneeled to say thank you...every time...no matter what, they gave thanks to the Lord for what little they had.  There were times when we got to the end of the line, there was not enough bread for everyone.  Did those children get to go first the next time?  Probably not.  Did they get any bread the next time?  I don't know.  They didn't complain they just smiled and went about their day trusting in the Lord to provide for them what they needed.  Joan learned to find her place in the front of the line and she never eats without making sure Derrick also has something to eat...that's another thing, she's eating off her best friends plate...we are working on this too.  She would give you the shirt off her back but she wants to be first in line at all costs.  I have learned in my own life when sin creeps up on me, it's usually from fear...fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough.  I have to remind myself that He died for me.  He shed his blood for me.  My redeemer lives!  I am forgiven!  I can't say why this is so difficult for Joan to line up but my guess is there is some fear involved in being in the back of the line.  God has handpicked this class of "friends" and OMES for Joans just like he hand picked Laurel, Coleman and Derrick to be her brothers and sister.  He will equip them to teach her how to line up.  He has chosen the sweetest group of loving teachers that I could have hoped for to love her through the "fear" of lining up.  I know it's exhausting for them but thankful they are professionals that have handled "lining up" before.  Learning to "line up" is humbling Joan and I.  He is guiding us in what is right and HE is teaching us HIS ways. HE is loving and faithful.  We will keep the demands of HIS covenant!  By the grace of God, we will learn to "line up" without hurting our friends.  Lord, teach us to line up behind YOU every time, no matter where and when that may be. :)

In His precious name,

Amiee

"My Brown Eyed 38 lb Mirror"

"Then Jesus said to his disciples:  "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens:  They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.  And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  Luke 12: 22 - 26

"First day of school"

I feel like I say this every week but this has been a big week.  Joan started school on Monday.  She was so excited!  I was excited for her but my heart ached thinking about her being gone all day.  I feels like there is a gap in my heart because she can't tell me what she has done for the past 8 hours.  She is very good at telling me what she wants me to know.  However, she can pick and choose what to include and if I want to ask her, "who did you play with today?", we do not have enough language skills to ask and answer that question.  I am blessed that she has a teacher that has embraced Joan's strengths and weaknesses.  I remember getting new students and as much as I loved the students, it's more work than you realize to get the student acclimated into the classroom environment.  All day Monday, I wondered what she was doing...what was she thinking...  Derrick made it clear, "NO school for me mom! Me NO go to school with Joan."  He did okay without her.  Every morning, I park the car and walk Joan inside so that I can make sure that she walks with someone to class and have conversation with one of the teachers.  I'm sure eventually, I will be driving through the line and dropping her off but for now, this works best for all of us.  Well, by the second day, Joan was instructing me that all of the other parents go through the carpool line and she would like to be dropped off there.  Oh my goodness!  She is so smart and it makes me tired!  What she doesn't have with hearing, God has blessed her abundantly with her eyes and mind.  She doesn't miss anything and I mean anything.  The afternoon of the second day, I was informed that there had been a "minor" altercation on the playground involving the swings and "waiting for your turn".  DAY TWO...  trouble.  Joan is a survivor.  She has learned how to live basically on her on for most of her life.  Now, she has all of this "help" that she doesn't think she really needs.  She accepts it but in her mind she doesn't need it.  She hasn't asked for help.  It's just given to her.  Isn't that what God says about me?  "You have all of the help you need from ME...Just take it. Receive it.  I give it to you freely."  How do I respond?  Sometimes, truth be told, reluctantly, just like Joan.  Oh Lord, you've given me a 38 pound mirror with brown eyes.  Day three:  Altercation with the lunch box in the lunch line...I'm not sure all of the details about this one but the positive is that the child on the receiving end learned the sign for the word "sorry" in sign language...that's all I know.  Forgiveness...that's a hard one to learn.  That's a story for another time.  So, I guess overall school has been a positive experience for Joan and for Joan's class.  All I can say is it is a gift to learn compassion.  I hope that's how the other parents will view this "opportunity" to be in Joan's class.  I'm sure that God has hand picked everyone in the class for HIS glory!  They may not know it yet but I know it and I can't wait to meet them all.

"Getting hearing aids"

Thursday, September 29th, 2011...God breaks me...again!  That may be a little more dramatic description now that I'm reflecting but it is what it is.  We go to get hearing aids.  Joan had decided she would try it, not that she really had a choice.  Thankfully, Todd took off work and went with us because I needed him more than I thought.  I really thought I went with no expectations.  I have learned a lot about myself over the past year.  I have had many unrealistic expectations that I should not have had regarding others in my life and also of myself.  My unrealistic expectations have been a reflection of the pride that is my hardest sin to repent of and surrender.  I'm working on it.  I really am.  I confess, I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable now writing this...Ughh!  Anyway, our sweet audiologist E prepared the molds and the hearing aids.  All I could think about was that I couldn't wait for Joan to hear our voices.  I wanted to be with her when she hears Bear and Jovi bark.  I want her to hear the birds sing or the laughter that we share.  I want to sneak up behind her and scare her because she loves to sneak up on us and scare us.  E explained to us that these were the best hearing aids available and they were as loud as they could go.  She put the aids in Joans ears and Joan cooperated fully.  She seemed a little apprehensive.  Todd and I could hear a loud humming sound that was being piped down directly into Joan's ears.  Sadly, I don't think Joan could hear the noise.  She didn't respond to our voices.  She smiled for our benefit but she was probably wondering, "what is all of this for?".  E put her in the sound booth and begin to see what benefit Joan was getting from the hearing aids.  I could hear the sounds from sitting outside of the booth that Joan couldn't hear sitting inside the booth.  God was breaking me.  My heart was breaking...I'm sad now thinking about it.  I can't explain all of the technical part of the test.  Bottom line is she hears more than she did.  She responded better to voices than to "tones".  So far, she does not have enough benefit from the hearing aids to have access to the part of her brain that she could learn to speak.  I WANTED HER TO HEAR ME SAY "I LOVE YOU!".  (All caps is me shouting...) I want her to hear anything...I want her to be able to read.   I want a plan of how we are going to educate her.  Today, God made our mountain a little higher.  He brought me back to my knees.  He brought me back to the foot of HIS cross.  Yes, I cried.  In a weird way, I think it was mourning or grieving.  I don't really know because I have never experienced what I am experiencing now.  There's also a source of great peace and joy inside of me that is saying, "the higher the mountain, the greater the glory will be when she hears and when she speaks...remember, it's in MY time".  Yes, Lord, I hear you.  I remember YOUR time.  We went over that in Uganda.  You kept me there long enough to remember the lesson of time.  This is what I know today:  I will not worry about my life, what I will eat, what I will wear.  My life is more than food and clothes.  I will learn from the ravens...they do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.  I am more valuable than the birds!.  Worrying can not add a single hour to my life.  Since I cannot do anything but pray, why should I worry about the rest?   I will continue to praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Stay tuned.  He's going to move this mountain!

In Him,
Amiee :)

"Amazing Grace"

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."  John 14:18

We've been busy.  I don't know exactly what we've been doing but I am tired.  We had the SOZO fundraising weekend last week and it was amazing!  Joel didn't get to come like we had hoped but that just means God has something else planned.  I talked with Joel a few days ago.  I know he was disappointed but in "Joel style", he claimed the blessings that the Lord has given him and didn't dwell on the embassy's decision to tell him to travel other places, come back to Uganda, then reapply to the American Embassy for a visa.  It doesn't really make sense to me but in this day of post  911, it's what we have to work with.  There are still more children that need to be sponsored.  There are many suffering beyond comprehension.  Before I went to Africa, I pondered the fact that Joan and Derrick's birth mother and birth father are not dead.  "Are they really orphans?", I would ask myself.  The answer is yes, they are are orphans of orphans.  It's hard for me to comprehend the emotions I have about Ronald and Jalia.  I do know this...I love them.  I pray for them.  I will raise Joan and Derrick to love them and pray for them to come to know the Lord.  Maybe they already know the Lord.  That's not really for me to judge.   I don't know if I will ever see them again.  I would like to.  I would like to make sure than when Joan and Derrick get to heaven, they will be there with them.  I pray that their decision to surrender their children to our family blesses their life abundantly like it has blessed mine.  I pray that through this journey of adoption the pain from the suffering that the people of Kabalagala endure subsides enough so that they will know they are loved and they are also God's chosen people.  I pray that they know that God will not leave them as orphans and HE will come to them.  Maybe they already have...I can only pray that they experience HIS Amazing Grace!

In His precious name,

Amiee

p.s.  Let me know if you would like to sponsor one of Joan and Derrick friends through SOZO. I can help you get started :)

"When can I go to school?"

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."  John 10:27

"Two sheep"

What a week!  I'd have to look back at my calendar to remember all of the appointments we had but let me say, we made a lot of progress with "wellness".  Joan and Derrick are very healthy!  Thank the Lord for the good news that we received.  There were a couple of times they didn't want to get in the car because they thought it would mean "shots"...I can't say that I blame them. We saw the doctor at the International Adoption Clinic Monday morning.  I thought we would be there an hour.  We were there about 4 hours.  I'm thankful they were so thorough but I should have packed a snack or activities for the kids but I didn't.  It went well.  We got the information regarding the ages of their "bones".  Based on the x-rays of their wrists, Joan "could be" 7 or 8 and Derrick "could be" 5 or 6" years of age.  I was a little disappointed with this news because for me, it makes school a little more challenging.  Todd took x-rays of them at their "dental appointments".  Joan has her 6 year molars and Derrick is not even close to loosing any baby teeth.  Developmentally, Derrick is very young.  To me, Joan seems to be developmentally 7 to 8 years old.  However, when you are trying to decide where to put her in school, it's difficult because she doesn't have a "language" that will help her  communicate with her teachers or peers.  I am not equipped to home school her.  She needs speech therapy, maybe occupational therapy, and an interpreter.  Right now, I know God is calling me to be her mother and her advocate.  She is so smart.  Once her "language" is established, she is going to learn quickly and I believe that she will catch up rapidly.  She is a leader and she will lead.  My concern is this,  if the judge doesn't allow us to change the age on their birth certificates, Joan could be 16 years old in the 8th grade and Derrick will never get to play sports with his peers.  My first thought is, "that's not fair to them".  That "first thought" is what my pride looks like.  Pride is what makes me take back from God what I have claimed to already have given HIM.  So, I am going to continue to pray for God's hand in these children's lives and I am not going to pick "my pride" back up.  The world will tell me that "it's my decision".   It may be "my decision" but it's not in my control how God uses this decision.  They  are my children on loan from my Heavenly Father that loves them more than I do.  I will pray for God's hand to guide the judge, the doctors, and the teachers.  I will not put my hope in them.  My hope will be in the Father that loves them more than I can dream of, the Father that has protected them since before they were born into this world whenever that day and year was.  He will protect them.  He always has.  Okay, this is the hard part...Joan sees Laurel and Coleman go to school everyday.  She has been asking me, "When can I go to school?  Is it today?"  I keep telling her, "Not today."  It makes my heart ache a little to think about sending her to school.  It makes my heart ache that Coleman and Laurel are in school most of our waking hours and I miss them.  I decided it was time to take a tour of the school for Joan and I.  As soon as I pulled up in the parking lot, I got teary eyed because I could feel the old feelings of waiting in carpool line for Laurel and Coleman.  WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE!  I've had these children in my lives for 10 months and I when I think about them going to school all day, I have no less emotions than I did when Laurel and Coleman started school.  My heart aches thinking about it.  Anyway, we went into the school and Joan went right around the reception desk to the secretary and gave her a big hug.  Evidently, they have met before and Joan was right at home in the office.  Derrick was standing close by me, not moving.  We met the assistant principal.  I have talked with her on the phone several times and she has been very kind to me.  I have tried to "talk her out" of Joan beginning school.  She will not accept any of my "reasons/excuses".  She is excited about having her and I am blessed that she has received Joan in this way.  I watched Joan the entire time.  She soaked it all in!  The bathrooms, the halls, the desks, the name tags...she took it all in.  She met the music teacher, the art teacher, the custodians, and several teachers.  She is not the least bit inhibited to start school.  Ms. Sallie introduced her to her p.e. class.  This was a moment I will never forget.  She explained to them that Joan was "deaf" and that means she can't hear our voices but she uses sign language to communicate.  Those children were totally focused on Joan.  Joan immediately started signing her name to them and of course she told them to sign her name.  They did exactly what she instructed them to do.   Then, she started "talking" to them.  When I hear Joan talk, it brings tears to my eyes.  God has given her a voice and she intends on using it.  The children never took their eyes off of her.  She demanded their attention and they gave it to her.  The presence of the Lord was in that gym yesterday.   Rays of Hope, SOZO and orphans from Africa were in the gym yesterday.  God's power to heal was in the gym.  God's perfect timing and plan were in the gym.  Whoever gets to be Joan's teacher is going to learn more from her than they teach her.  I have.   Does she really understand what she is asking for wanting to start school?  I don't know.  I do know that she hears HIM, He knows her and she will follow HIM.  I feel that way about Laurel, Coleman and Derrick as well.  Lord, help me to learn from my children to listen to YOU, remember that YOU know me, and give me the courage to follow YOU everyday.  It's that simple.  Don't let my pride make it harder for me than it is. 

In Him,

Amiee

"Hearing aids may be like scrambled eggs..."

Psalm 139: 2-4 "You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.  You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.  Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, you know it altogether."

The best sister in the world, "Laurel".

The most loving brother in the world, "Coleman"!

This week in Alabama it turned "cold"...the temperature was 55-58 degrees and Joan and Derrick went outside and came back in and said, "momma, it's cold outside!"  We ran to Belk and got pants and jackets for them.  They have probably never experienced colder weather than 50 degrees in their lives.  Are they going to be in for a surprise in a couple of months!  Joan told me last Wednesday she was ready to start school.  She sees Coleman and Laurel go to school everyday.  I think we are close to being ready for school.  Derrick said he does not want to go to school.  He is happy with his cars and trains all day.  He enjoys his afternoon nap and sometimes will remind me that "it's time for me to sleep."  Precious...every moment with all of my children is precious.  I miss Laurel and Coleman being home with me.  Joan and Derrick's relationship reminds me very much of Laurel and Coleman's relationship..."thick as thieves".  Todd and I saw the audiologist on Thursday.  I'm so thankful Todd went with me.  There is so much information to gather and still so much to consider.  We have changed gears from adoption, to raising orphans, to raising a deaf child.  Every layer is detailed and complicated.  Every layer is more information to process and pray about.  Joan has told us, "I do not want to hear.  I am happy the way I am."  We'll, she didn't want to try scrambled eggs until we made her and now she eats two or three a day as soon as she wakes up.  Maybe the hearing aids will be like the scrambled eggs, a nice surprise that has improved her quality of life.  She choose light pink with silver sparkles for the molds that will hold her hearing aids.  We will go back in 3 weeks and she will hear our voices for the first time.  What will that be like for her?  I get teary eyed thinking about it.  Todd and I have thought from the very beginning that her "deafness" protected her during her time in Uganda.   What will her deafness do for her for her life in America...in Birmingham, AL?  God only knows.  Discussing all the options for Joan to become "hearing" is more difficult than I thought... I know I can only process one day at a time.  I know God is putting people in our path that will show us the way.  HE is mapping it out for us.  I have to be still and listen to HIM and know that HE is in control.  HE has known from the beginning of time how HE intends to use her and her deafness.  I am praying that HE heals her...not from her deafness but from the scars from her past that she can't communicate to us.  I'm praying that I can learn sign language quickly and that I'm not to old to retain it.  I'm praying that I begin taking better care of myself so that I have the energy it takes to have a deaf member in my family.  It's more difficult than I thought it would be.  All of our communication is face to face.  When she closes her eyes, there is no communication except when I pick her up and hold her and remind her that I am here for her and that I love her no matter what.  She is strong willed and thank the good LORD for that because she is going to have to be to learn to communicate.  I pray that when Joan feels uncomfortable in the "hearing world", she feels the presence of the Lord in her life and that she will surrender to HIM, his will for her.  I pray that HE equips us, her family and the body of Christ, to support her and that I keep my eyes on HIM and not the world.  I have total faith in HIM and His design of my life.  HE is going to use Joan in a mighty way.  He has chosen Laurel as her sister and Coleman as her brother, Todd for her father and me for her mother.  It was not a coincidence but by HIS perfect design.  HE has known it all.  Lord, help me to rest in YOU today!  Help me to give all I have away!

In His precious name,

Amiee